Strange things people have said to me in pregnancy

A collection of things people have said to me that have made my eyebrows either raise quizically, or almost meet in anger... feel free to add your own annoyance from people in the comments!

• "Which School will you send it to?" HELLO PEOPLE it is currently no bigger than a sweet potato or other medium sized vegetable. In 5 years time I do not even know where I will be living, let alone where I might send it to learn. I answered 'I'm going to home school it of course' which shut them up long enough for me to make my escape
• "I bet people rub your belly ALL the time right?" At week 17ish with a bump that could just be over indulgence (and some of it probably was if I am honest, it was Christmas after all...) NO actually, you were the first person to do that and if I wasn't quite close to you I would have thumped you in the nose. (since then one more person has asked and was shot down rather quickly, but way more people have just reached out and touched it!)
• "Are you sure it isn't twins" yes I am, there was quite clearly only one sprog on that first scan, and actually you inferring that I am fat. I have lost count of the amount of people who have asked this, the last time was the gas man at work, so I retorted with "no, are you?" (he had a HUGE beer belly)
• "When are you going to have the next one" this was met with a harsh glare that my grandmother would have been proud of. 
• "Did you MEAN to get pregnant before you got married"/"was it planned"/"how long did it take you to conceive"/"bet you were pissed off you were pregnant and couldn't drink at your own wedding/honeymoon, haha"  all from people who really are not close enough to me to have the right to ask these questions...(is anyone close enough to ask this kind of thing!?) and NO I wasn't pissed off I couldn't drink, if you were actually a close friend you know I barely drink anyway.
• "I wonder how long you will be in labour for... my mum/sister/second cousin thrice removed was in labour for 2/4/19" days etc The first of these questions/useless statements was asked of me at 13 weeks pregnant, when I had barely even thought about it actually coming out of me. 
• "Your body will never be the same again" (with a certain smirk I'm sure) 
• "Your husband is HUGE, the baby is going to be a whopper/do some damage on the way out" thanks for that lovely input. I am already having nightmares about giving birth to something the size of a Christmas Turkey to feed a family of 10, I don't need your input. Plus I was a normal sized baby so there is hope yet!
• "so, like, errrr are you drinking more milk so you can feed the baby?" This is from a guy who is MY AGE, ie 29. I just gawped at him, I thought he was joking but he wasn't, he's just THAT thick.
• "I mean, I'm just not sure if I'll ever have kids, they're just so permanent, you're stuck with them forever, they'll ALWAYS rely on you, for everything" Yep, thanks for that observation, friend.