Three months in.. what I've learnt

So, D is three months old. This feels odd because in some ways, it feels like time has flown by really quickly. On the other hand, sometimes (mainly after a lack of sleep), the days have felt like long, slow water torture. Babies are hard, dude.

It's been a steep learning curve and one that I imagine only has more delights in store (teething, potty training, crawling...) but it's had amazing moments too. I have learnt that:

- Babies are master manipulators. They can go from smiley, happy little people to grumpy, screaming hellcats in five seconds flat. My emotions can be all over the place some days (and that's without all the hormones that still seem to be raging through my body.) But you know, he can have a day where he's a complete grump and still I will forgive it all when he grins at himself in the mirror. Tiny evil genius.

- Ignore people who tell you that their baby slept through at six weeks old. THESE BABY ARE AS RARE AS HEN'S TEETH. Just be grateful if you get a sort of routine going (by six weeks, D had started to go to sleep at 11 and wake at 2 and 6am for feeds. Now he sleeps from 11-5.)

- Don't be surprised if the baby lulls you into a false sense of security with said sleep routine and then completely changes his mind.

- Growth spurts are the most confusing time for very new parents. They are also hellish, what with constant feeding and grizzling. I now recognise a growth spurt at ten paces, as I have a GIGANTIC baby.

- There are things that, if anyone else's child did it, you would retch in horror. But when your child does it, you laugh it off. I'm not going into detail, but ick.

- Apparently babies don't get into a proper daytime nap routine til about four months at the earliest. This is disappointing and means that loo breaks/cups of tea are constantly on the hoof.

- It's OK to admit you're struggling. I've had to do this a few times and it's better than bottling it up. And if someone offers to help/take the baby so you can have a shower, take it.

- You appreciate things like having baths where you can read for a bit. It's important to have time to yourself if you can manage it.

There are loads more, but these are the main ones, I think. Oh and the best bit of advice I was given, pre-baby: "It's OK to want to throw the baby out of the window, as long as you don't actually throw the baby out of the window.." Everyone has moments where they're overwhelmed!

Lets talk about sex…as in gender

[.]

So we went for our 20ish week scan (a bit later than 20 weeks, but never mind) and all is well with the sprog, it has the right bits in the right places and it was all doing what it should be. HOWEVER the little bugger had its legs crossed at the knees so we still have no idea if it’s a girl or a boy! Now the decision to find out has been taken out of my hands, I’m kind of okay with it. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to know, but I guess this is the only TRUE surprise in life now! As soon as we were on the bus back from the hospital Sam started googling old wives tales, and most of my friends have given me their predictions too! I thought I'd do a bit of ‘research’ then when the baby pops out I can look back and see what was right and what was wrong!

carrying high = girl. carrying far forwards = boy

heart rate over 140 bpm = girl, under = boy (ours was exactly 140 when we heard it on Thursday, helpful!)

craving sweet things = girl, craving savoury or sour = boy

a girl ‘steals her mothers beauty’. so spots/blemishes = girl

swollen legs/feet = boy, no/little swelling = girl

clumsier in pregnancy = boy, grounded and not dropping things = girl

larger right breast = boy, larger left breast = girl (what if they’re the same!?)

bright yellow wee = boy, dull wee = girl

 

and this Chinese gender calendar could be completely accurate, but its too confusing to bother with right now!

Any more to add to the list? & if you’ve had a baby were any of these correct?!

Stuff We Like: Ewan the Dream Sheep

I'm trying to persuade (read: win through bloody-minded persistence) D into a bedtime routine. Yes, he's only twelve weeks old, but I reckon if we get some things to be part of bedtime now, he'll associate them with sleeping as he gets older. Enter Ewan the Dream Sheep.

Image: Sweet Dreamers

My mother-in-law had seen the celebrity endorsements in a newspaper and decided to buy it for us and I'm really pleased she did. I think I might love it more than the baby does (there's often been a night when my husband and I have nodded off to the soothing sounds of, er, white noise.) Ewan has four sounds- harp, womb, rain and vacuum cleaner, all with a heartbeat underneath and an optional pink light. We started using it when D was about three weeks old and, at first, we weren't sure that it was working. However, now I find that if I play the harp sequence when we put him down, followed by the vacuum, he tends to nod off fairly quickly. If he's really stressed, I play it while I comfort him. 

You can buy Ewan the Dream Sheep from here for £29.99

Book Review: Jo Frosts Confident Baby Care

 

I bought this from play.com on a bit of a whim, along with this which I'll try and review at a later date. To be honest I've not watched any ‘Super Nanny’ (view clips here and visit the official website here) but I'm sure you’ve all heard of Jo Frost and her magical way with children. I know she has a no nonsense, realistic outlook on child rearing, so thought it would be worth a read.

Obviously a few chapters are a bit redundant for me at the moment, but Part 1 deals with ‘before’ and talks about becoming confident parents, making confident choices and essential equipment, so that's the part that I have read thus far.

I like the way the book is written, its not really a ‘how to’ but more of a ‘try this’ guidance style, which I like because nobody likes being told exactly what to do, and more to the point, every baby and parent will be different!

There are a couple of things that I though ‘eh?’ in response to when reading, the first being ‘is it as glam as the life you lead’ when thinking about naming your baby, but thinking about it now I reckon she’s actually being a bit tongue in cheek! (but the other four tips are helpful!) 

I like in the breast feeding part of ‘before the baby’ she states ‘don't feel badly if you cant breastfeed…it’s not proof of womanhood or love for your baby’ which is good to read.

In chapter 3 (which is about equipment) she talks in depth about all kinds of things I hadn't thought about yet. The main thing that stuck with me is a the ‘other essentials’ where she suggests buying a basket (how quaint) that you can take from room to room as desired with things like a thermometer/baby nail scissors/nappy rash cream etc so that you've got everything you might need to hand, but not cluttering up your nappy bag. 

I've only read the first section so far, as parts 2 and 3 deal with ‘Your Baby is here!’ & 'Exceptional Circumstances' (such as ‘Premmies’ & special needs babies, and adoption and twins etc) So hopefully part 2 will be useful and part three will be redundant! 

Part 4 also has some useful resources about immunisation, first aid, common illnesses/ailments and a baby log (which is effectively a few pages of lined paper so you can make notes in the book, which will supposedly become invaluable)

Some favourite lines:

• Expect the best and don’t look for problems.
• Don’t expect to have a palace. After all, you have kids, and you don’t want to keep telling them no.
• It’s your responsibility to do what’s right, regardless of whether they like it or not. They’ll get used to it.

Overall I quite like the style, it's more like a friend is advising you rather than a manual for sprog-raising, but I was given a copy of 'what to expect when you're expecting' for Christmas and that's rather direct and to the point so this was a nice change and it's good to get as much information as possible in my opinion!

I would definitely recommend this, but if you were only going to buy ONE book with the aim of learning everything, then perhaps this isn't the one for you! There are also many time when Jo Frost mentions things that would be useful for second time parents, so perhaps as an 'aide memoir' in that case.

How I've saved money post-baby

Babies are expensive. I know, right? Total shocker, that. I figured I would do another thrifty post as a follow-up from Lauren's post a couple of weeks back. When I was pregnant, I wrote a few posts about how to survive pregnancy and money was often at the forefront of my mind. I thought I would share some tips as to how we've done some canny money-saving since D has arrived.

Image: allparenting.com

Gifts- there's no denying it, you get a lot of stuff after you have a baby. We were very lucky in that family and friends were very generous and often asked what we would like. Generally, we asked for either clothes we were short of, size-wise, or vouchers for Boots and Mothercare. A while back, I posted this handy guide  to buying gifts for babies. We were also given a crib, which in the spirit of paying-it-forward, I am lending to Lauren once her sproglet arrives.

Offers- Boots are brilliant; their parenting club offers vouchers and ten points for every pound you spend on baby stuff (excluding formula). Our changing bag is also part of the the parenting club- it's not great (I lust after Yippy Dada bags), but it does the job. I've built up so many points and saved a fair whack of money with just this one scheme. Check out supermarkets as well; these schemes really come into their own once the baby arrives!

Ebay- I have bought some more expensive items from eBay- sleeping sacks (which are about £20 new; bought for £2-£5) and an almost new John Lewis snowsuit, which would have been about £25 for... 99p. You can get some proper bargains- just make sure you wash them in non-bio detergent before giving them to baby.

Charity and second hand shops- Where I live there is a plethora of both of these types of shop. I don't see the point in spending a fortune on stuff that D will grow out of quickly. I've found some real bargains in secondhand shops (there are specialist baby ones too- I once bought a dungarees/cardi combo that was a very upmarket French brand, which would have cost me double what I paid for it.) I've been given tips about stuff like Lego as well (apparently, you chuck it in some diluted bleach and rinse it off before giving it to kids.)

Any tips to add? Leave them in the comments or let me know on Twitter: @wuthering_alice

Stuff we like: Summer Infant body pillow

About 5 weeks ago (week 16 ish) sleeping became a bit more of a problem for me, with lower back pain, and more annoyingly hip pain on whichever side I slept on (which for me is normally the right side, as I like to sleep facing outwards, not towards the sleeping chunk of man that is my Humongous husband)

I knew that pregnancy pillows existed purely because there is a film/tv program embedded deep in my memory where the husband is annoyed that the woman gets so attached to this pillow and sleeps hugging it every night, even after the baby comes. Anyway, I knew I wanted one so did a bit of research into them and ordered one from Argos (its an 'extra' product, but will be delivered free, or you can collect from your local store)

Basically the idea is that the pillow supports your bump/back/legs whilst sleeping. You can see a little more info about sleeping during pregnancy on the NHS website here and on the Bounty website here.

I ordered the ‘Summer Infant Body Support Pillow’ and it cost me £34.99. I chose it because it has three different uses and I thought I'd get my moneys worth! The main use is obviously as a pregnancy pillow, but also zipped together as a baby chair/support and also as a breast feeding aide.

 

(both images from SI website)

It comes with a removable cotton cover which can be washed, and a zip on/off centre section (slightly padded) which is where the baby would be placed when you use it as a seat.
The 'bump' support is more curved, and the ends tuck back round under your neck/legs to support the back, which hopefully you can see in my artfully posed picture!

  

With then without the removable support bit, and zipped together to form a ‘chair’ (With a small sized water bottle as a make shift baby)

 

Pros:

• supports the back as well as the bump, and I imagine when the bump is bigger it will stop you from rolling onto your back in your sleep, if this were to happen. (I imagine it might!?)
• fairly firm support, so a second pillow probably isn't necessary (when used in the position above)
• you can remove the cover to clean, and could make a more aesthetically pleasing cover without too much hassle, if sewing is your thing
• can be used for sleeping on either side of the body.
• It can be used as a lower back support whilst sitting up in bed (and you can balance a plate of toast on the bit that goes over your legs! It was a godsend when bedridden for a week with flu last week!)

Cons:

• Difficult to untangle yourself when you are half asleep and on a nocturnal visit to the toilet. Once or twice I have sleepily tried to get back in it after a piddle and flung it on the floor in annoyance.
• fairly firm support, some people might find it a bit TOO firm, personally for me it works, but I've read a few review sites where this has been mentioned.
• takes up a fair amount of space (the pictures above are of 5’2 me on a king size bed, for comparison)

Overall: I really like it, and think as I get bigger it will become more invaluable, and hopefully I'll get good use out of it when the sprog comes too.

Colic: or, how to say goodbye to sanity

Ah, colic. It was one of those things that, before I had a baby, I knew was something babies got and that parents blanched at the mention. I never knew precisely what it was or what it would entail. After all, babies go to bed at 7pm and sleep through the night at six weeks' old, right? Colic was just one of those old fashioned things that babies got in Victorian times and even then, they used gin to quieten them down. How hard could it be?

Now we're eleven weeks in to parenting, I'm a little bit less of a wreck than I was say, ooh, two weeks ago. I still have the wild-eyed look of a madwoman and the grooming skills of the Jersey Devil from The X-Files (it's my go-to feeding programme of the moment.)

Image

Colic sucks for everyone. It especially sucks for the baby, it sucks for the parents and it sucks for the neighbours, although they don't really matter in the scheme of things. Sorry, neighbours. Babies with colic will tend to be worse at night and it will bring uncontrollable crying. It is awful and we've tried everything to help. The worst thing is seeing D in absolute pain and being unable to soothe him straight away.

(Before I begin, I want to explain that D is bottle-fed; if anyone has any tips for breastfed babies, please leave them in the comments!)

We've found that the best way to help him is to switch him to a 'comfort' formula-all the brands seem to have a variation. We then tried all the colic drops on the market. Infacol seemed to taste nice, but with no effect. The Dentinox drops smelled like minty gherkins and was not popular. It was pretty low when my six week old son spat it back in my face and covered my glasses. It was like his teenage angst had come early. The clear winner has been Gripe Water, which is as Victorian as the gin remedy but less illegal- parents might like to try a little gin for their own nerves though. Again, it smells of gherkins (the key ingredient seems to be dill oil.)

It takes a while for the remedies to kick in, but since they have, D has been a calmer chap. It's really hard to keep perspective when your child is screaming and you feel helpless, but it does seem to lessen. Also, for most babies, it seems to pass by four months(ish), so I live in hope...

If you have any tips, please let me know!

Lists lists and more lists

I like to write lists. Lists make me feel organised, and like I have something to achieve (although sometimes I write something on a list that I have already done, and then cross it off so I feel like I have made progress)

The below are a few of my current lists, which are either in my phone or in the back of my organiser, along with a select few items from said lists... I have purchased a notebook with sections in it, to attempt to get properly organised, with lists of what people have very kindly offered to lend us (thanks Steph!) and things that people have said don't bother with, and even the 'hospital bag' list... (Which currently only says 'camera and big knickers' on it...but i've got plenty of time for that one yet!

The things I can do when the baby gets here and I wont be working list

• watch Sabrina the teenage witch from start to finish
• read all the unread books on my shelves (I know this is unrealistic)
• start making all my own Christmas/birthday cards again
• craft projects 

The Baby Names List 

• SECRET! we're just not telling... (Well Sam can't keep his trap shut but I am not telling, so you'll have to bribe him!) He has chosen the 'girl' name, therefore I get to choose the 'boy' name. & the middle names be default, because I am carrying it around for 40 weeks after all, but obviously the names will be subject to what the baby looks like when it appears, the thing is, what if you decide to call it Maud and it comes out looking just like a Marjory...? Plus i've heard stories of people either turning their nose up at whatever you say it's name will be, or stealing the name!

The Baby Shopping List

• everything. (well, almost, we will have a crib from Steph, and my mum already found us a nice moses basket and stand, and another friend is giving us her daughters cot-bed when as she's almost grown out of it, at 5 years old! (so hurray, no bed buying till then!)

The other things that might be useful to get hold of list

• a food processor
• an ottoman (for keeping blankets and such in...plus I just want one)
• a rocking chair
• lots of tupperware containers so I can cook most of the weeks food on one day and freeze it (this will never happen and we will live off takeaway fish and battered sausages for at least a month!)

The things I am worried about list

• how will I know what it wants when it cries (shouldn't be calling it it really...)
• what if it is funny looking, and people are too polite to say anything (I KNOW how this makes me sound)
• that I will go stir crazy with only myself and a small human for company
• how on earth am I going to have my every other daily long hot soak in the tub with bubbles and a book (lets face it, i'm not)
• taking the baby to a wedding at ten weeks old
• our finances

The what I definitely do not want to do when bringing up my child list

• Let it use a dummy till it is three. I have a friend who did this, and one day she had to tell her daughter that she had to give it to another baby who needed it more, there were tantrums and there were tears
• Let it watch CBeebies incessantly
• Let it wander around with snot hanging from its nose
• Dress it it anything with 'babe' written on it (i'm looking at YOU primark)

I know that many of these are unrealistic, and some are downright daft, but this is a place for honesty, so do share any lists you made, or worries you had/have pre baby!

What happened at baby's first immunisation (or: I am a wuss!)

Last Friday, I took D for his first round of immunisations. I hated every second of it.

Now, don't get me wrong; I am virulently (pardon the pun) pro-immunisation. I know there are side effects- but the benefits outweigh the risks in my opinion. I've done my research and I'm happy for D to have the full whack of immunisations.

So, anyway, I took D to the doctors and made sure I took a friend for moral support. I bought Calpol and a thermometer. I was prepared. But I was also nervous. After he was born, we stayed in hospital for five days due to an infection. This meant, every twelve hours, he was taken away to another room for antibotics and blood tests. I hated seeing my tiny (well, not tiny- he was a bruiser, even as a newborn!) baby in pain, even for a second, even though I knew full well that this was necessary. It got to the point where I would take him and wait just outside the door until they were finished and take him back again, giving him a furious cuddle while I did so.

Unfortunately, D's dad was at work when the jab appointment came up (so I coudn't pass the buck to him. Rubbish.), so I gritted my teeth and went in with him. I knew that the problem was all in my head, that it was a bit selfish to worry about how I felt and that he wouldn't remember what was going on. The nurse fussed over him and I looked away as she injected him. We chatted about what the jabs were for and my nervousness- it's very common, she reassured me. It was all over in a couple of minutes- D had cried briefly and had two small plasters to show for it. As we left the room, the baby fell asleep and it was as if nothing had happened! I'd got so nervous about something he couldn't give a monkey's about! I did feel a bit daft, to be honest. I mean, I am a grown up after all!

A few hours later, D got very cross and hot, so after fiddling with  the Calpol and trying to work out how to get the syringe into the bottle/stripping him down to his vest, we finally helped him feel well again. (Tip: to use the Calpol syringe, you put the sit over the top of the bottle, which you then tip up. As you do this, pull the plunger of the syringe and voilà, strawberry flavoured goodness is ready to be dispensed. You're welcome.)

We took D to bed early and called an early night for ourselves as well, anticipating lots if broken sleep. Instead, after a bit of grizzling, he slept for seven hours straight, had a quick bottle at 6am and then slept til 9. Brilliant!

I'm still getting his dad to take him next time, though.

Pregnancy update Week 20

So I am either 19 or 20 weeks now, depending on which pregnancy app I look at.  As I said before in my 16 week update, the whole weeks and days things confuses me, and normally I class myself as someone with a decent amount of intelligence, or at least common sense! But anyway  I think days 0-7 of being pregnant are week 1, although I am now 19 weeks and 3 days, I'm actually in week 20. I think?

[week 18, or maybe actually its 19]

Anyway, I plan to do an update every 4 weeks from now on, so here you go...

Sleeping - I am not as tired as I was for the first 16 or so weeks, which is a relief. I am struggling to find a comfy sleeping position, but find that a liberal sprinkling of lavender oil on my pillow/duvet helps, as well as listening to BBC World service which is possibly the most boring thing in existence post midnight. In the last few days I have been more tired, but I think that is due to having a nasty cold which has taken it out of me somewhat.

Peeing - this still happens lots and lots, then some more. Although sometimes I go and nothing happens, and then 5 minutes later I'm desperate and Niagara falls happens. A tip for you to help empty the bladder completely is to lean forwards when you think you're done to help every last drop come out. Needless to say it's still affecting my sleep and I get up to pee at least once a night. Annoyingly my bathroom is downstairs and at the other end of the house, I have mastered getting there and back in the dark so as not to wake myself up too much with switching lights on!

Constipation - Still happening on a semi regular basis. However I find that by drinking LOTS of water (which doesn't help with the peeing) and trying to eat as much healthy veg and protein as I can, and am (as normal) keeping my dairy intake low, but IBS still roars its ugly head at times.

Headaches - I have had a bout of bad ones. Ones that don't go away with a 4 hour sleep. Eventually I gave in and looked up co-codamol in pregnancy, found that many expectant mothers had been prescribed it for various things by their GPs and took one. Headache went in half an hour. As I suffer from bad headaches and the occasional migraine (less now than when I was younger) I expect this will get worse as I get more pregnant, unfortunately.

Backaches - Randomly this week my normal lower backache when I wake up has been joined by upper back pain, which is strange. Its not like my upper back is taking the strain of bigger boobs (Still pissed off they've not got any bigger!) so not sure what's causing this apart from maybe a different sleeping position, although a couple of times it's happened at bedtime, so it can't be that! Anyway, the arrival of my new pregnancy pillow will hopefully help (& I will review it too!)

Heartburn - Slight but nothing too bad. If I eat crisps (which is rare) it's worse, so I know what NOT to eat.

Breathlessness - climbing stairs wears me out, I can only imagine how i'll feel when I get humongous.

Body temperature - It's January and I am sleeping with the window open, the radiator in the bedroom off and in a T shirt and pants only. My nice fluffy new sale bargain dressing gown is firmly hung on the back of the door, and I am not wearing socks or slippers around the house.

'Flutterings' aka the baby moving - I *think* this happened for the first time a couple of days ago, it was like a popping, but it wasn't wind (and I am familiar with wind, due to IBS) but I've not felt it again yet.

Why it shouldn't matter to others how you feed your baby

I spent all of my pregnancy fending off questions about how I was planning to feed my baby. My answer was always the same: "I'd like to breastfeed, if I can." I'd been producing milk since 16 weeks and I dutifully bought nursing bras and pumps. I also asked my mother-in-law if she would buy us a sterilising unit, just in case. I read Zoe Williams' columns on parenting and breastfeeding. I would be OK, whatever the outcome, I thought.

Cue D being born; a 45 hour labour where my waters had broken 26 hours before my actual contractions started. This meant that my baby ended up with an infection AND jaundice. There I was, a first-time mum with an ill baby.. who couldn't seem to feed her son. Add to this I was being watched like a hawk by the nurses as I was a major postnatal depression risk and you had a very stressed out mother.

I tried to feed D. I used a syringe to collect what I could. I tried to latch him on and he just didn't have the werewithal to do so. We were helped by nurses and lactation consultants (most were very kind, a couple were.. brusque.) Still, nothing. I cried, and at night, behind their curtains, I heard the other two mums in my room crying too, frustrated at 2am in the morning with screaming, hungry newborns. Both of those mums went on to breastfeed successfully.

I, on the other hand, continued to struggle. I was producing about 0.8ml of colostrum, which I was giving to D when I had it. I was keeping obsessive lists of how much and when D was having so that I could show the nurses and the doctors. And then, in the early hours of his second day, a nurse finally persuaded me to let them give him a formula 'top-up'. He took 45ml of formula and was instantly soothed. I cried, because I hadn't been able to give him that. Still, I persisted. I tried expressing. My lists continued.

In the end, I became exhausted and agitated. I spoke to the nursery nurses. I spoke to my husband. I saw later on in my notes that the nurses had written everything I had said- and I had sounded utterly desperate. I had a sick baby who needed to eat. In the end, I decided that I would put him on formula, until I was able to express milk. He guzzled the milk down. I was torn; happy that he was eating and that the fluids would help him recover, but gutted that I hadn't been able to help him. My lists became more detailed, showing how much expressed milk (usually less than 5ml a time- I admit that, in the end, I just couldn't face it anymore and gave up) and how much formula he had in a feed.

After three days of being on formula, we were allowed home (we had been in hospital for five days.) D was finally well enough and the nurses had been brilliant once the decision had been made to put him onto bottles. It took me weeks to reconcile myself to this fact, though.

Now that D is ten weeks old, I can see the benefits. He is a very big, healthy and happy baby, apart from the  odd bout of colic. His dad and I split the feeds. When I've needed to go to the doctors (which has been a lot!), I've been able to leave D with his dad or my aunt and know he's OK. Do I wish that I could breastfeed? Yes- even knowing all the rubbish side effects that can happen. But I'm just glad that I have a baby who is content. I know that, ultimately, I made the right decision and that I don't need to justify it. But by writing about it, maybe someone else in the same boat as I was can see that it's OK to seek alternatives if it's not working. Babies want happy mums.

This is why I think it's rubbish that the media pits breastfeeding and formula feeding mothers against each other. We shouldn't be at war with each other because of our choices- we all do the best we can in the circumstances and we never really know what someone has gone through to get to their decision. I've seen a lot of 'formula' bashing on newspaper comment sections, Twitter and forums. For my sanity and blood-pressure, I try and avoid those. I'm not going to go into the whole 'breastfeeding is better because...' debate. Of course it's better, if you can, to breastfeed. But it's not always possible. I was bottlefed and I've been fine. I have no reason to doubt that my son will be, too.

This is D, by the way- who looks a lot better than he did in those first few days in hospital:

Reality vs Myth (pregnancy)

Here are a few things that either I believed would happen from popular culture (episodes of Trash TV and the Daily Mail gossip pages mainly, don't judge me) or things that people have told me...

Your boobs will grow, possible even before you know you're pregnant (this was from a friend, and then a pregnancy book told me I will need to be re measured every 8-10 weeks ish to 'accommodate' the growth)
Reality for me: Nothing. Nada, I will just about fill a B cup. This is one the few things I was actually looking forward to, having actual boobs! but no. Week 18 arrived and I am in the same pre-bump bras.

If your mothers ankles didn't swell yours wont (this came from husbands mother)
Reality: not so far, but I highly doubt that history will repeat itself in any shape or form here, as she didn't even  realise she was pregnant with me till she almost lost me, then was told to drink a can of Guinness a day to help anaemia. She also smoked, maybe that's the secret to non swelling ankles. 3 people I have asked had all said they swelled to gargantuan sizes, and one even had a bone in her foot BREAK because of it. Crutches and a 7 month bump, poor her.

Take it easy and rest up (various people)
Reality: Actually it has been proven that exercising during pregnancy can help to have a  less stressful birth (although obviously if you have been told by a DOCTOR to rest, then do!) and it can also help post-partum recovery, as well as to combat stress and help you sleep better (As if you have any problem sleeping in the first trimester anyway!)  Personally I walk a lot anyway, plus have a fairly active job, and have been swimming when I can and was kindly given some pregnancy yoga classes for Christmas. I really enjoyed yoga but stopped about a year ago when I gave up my gym membership, but it always was an excellent way to de stress and stretch.

"OH MY GOD YOU JUST ATE A PEANUT!!" accompanied by a look akin to that of watching me skin a puppy, followed up with, "the kids going to be allergic now"
Reality: It's complete tosh. Unless of course I was allergic to peanuts, but then eating them would make me a complete twonk.

Use cocoa butter/oil/something so you never get stretch marks.
Reality: If you are going to get them you are going to get them, sad fact of life. However applying copious amounts of moisture will help to keep the skin supple and help the skin heal if you do get stretch marks, in turn helping the appearance look less severe.

You can eat for two now, lucky you!
Reality: I wish. Admittedly some days I am eating more than I should, but if you cant get fat when you're baking a baby when can you? You actually only need around 300 extra calories a day, if you were a healthy bmi when you got impregnated.

If you get heartburn you'll give birth to a baby with a full head of hair. 
REALLY strange woman I encountered at work, really?! just no.

Oh, you FLEW whilst pregnant?
Yes, I did it at 12 weeks and I am about to do it again at 21 weeks. Unless you have been told not to, then it's fine up until the last few weeks, because who wants to have a baby born on a plane? (It doesn't give the kid free flights forever/an automatic passport to where they are headed... I know this because a friend who works for Virgin often had ladies from Africa go into labour on a flight to England  accompanied with a Drs note saying they were only 21 weeks when they were quite clearly full term) However if you DO fly, get up and walk about a bit every hour, and attempt to book a seat near the loo.

Any other ridiculous myths people have mentioned/judged you for?

Adventures in baby wearing... part 1

I would like to start this post by saying that, although I live in a fashionable seaside town which has its fair share of crazy parenting ideas, I remain resolutely Northern and sceptical about a lot of them. These things are fine for other people, but not really for me. I thought baby wearing was perhaps one of these.

Until last Sunday.

I was at a friend's house (who, incidentally, gave us our antenatal workshop- google Lazy Daisy Lewes if you're interested) when she offered me the use of her Moby wrap. Had you told me eight weeks ago that I would be considering this, I would have scoffed. However, after weeks of colic and getting utterly fed up with a slightly unpredictable, heavy buggy and hating the baby carrier we originally bought, I was all for it.

So, what is a Moby wrap? It's basically a long strip of material. How hard could this be, I thought. All I had to do was wrap it and pop D in it, yes? And yes, the actual putting it on wasn't hard- I used the 'gathered' method, which is demonstrated in this video:

As D is HUGE and has very strong legs, I went for the 'Hug Hold', which is like level 2 in baby wearing. I can honestly say that, even someone as cackhanded as me can do this wrap thing fairly easily; although I was nervous before starting, I found it really easy.

The baby, on the other hand, hated it. He cried and covered me with snot. After he was handed to his dad and gone to bed, I had a rather large Baileys to steady my nerves... What I will say, though, is that I felt completely secure with him in the wrap and it's much sturdier than it looks.

I'll be documenting my progress with baby wearing over the next few weeks and letting you know how I get on. I'm still nervy about taking D out with it, but we'll see how that goes!

You can buy your own Moby wrap here. Any tips are welcome!

Scrimping and Saving

When we discovered a sprog was imminent  we were over-joyed. Then shortly after that we entered panic mode for me it was how the hell am I going to give birth to an actual baby, and for Sam it was how the hell are we going to manage financially? which, once aired, became joint top concern for me.

Obviously I'm not going to go into our personal finances in detail, but we both have full time jobs, and together earn just over the benchmark that means you're entitled to pretty much zilch from the government. I get a very minimally enhanced maternity over the national allowance from my company. The below is taken from the government website

Statutory Maternity Pay is paid for up to 39 weeks, usually as follows:

• the first 6 weeks - 90% of your average weekly earnings (AWE) before tax
• the next 33 weeks - £135.45 or 90% of your AWE (whichever is lower)

You can’t get less than the statutory amount but you can get more if your company has a maternity scheme.

So basically my income will be dramatically less than it normally is, and if I want to stay off work longer than 39 weeks then I get zilch per week. Hurrah.

So the first thing we decided to do was start saving money immediately! Now this wasn't that hard to get used to, as we were about to get married (which we funded ourselves) and had been on a strict spending ban since setting a date. On reflection I definitely wouldn't have spent as much as we did had we known a baby was going to arrive 6 months after strolling up the aisle, even though we didn't spend a fortune on our wedding! 

[.]

Things we decided to do were: 

• not buy anything brand new, apart from a cot mattress and a car seat. EVERYTHING else (& I do mean everything) can be bought second hand, lent by a lovely friend, or fetched from the depths of a parents attic. 
• I will give up getting acrylic nails, saving £260 a year
• Sam will quit smoking (again, and this is also for health of the kid, although he doesn't smoke in the house) saving £1000 a year
• We will reduce our telly package from XL to the lowest one. We very rarely watch any of the on demand stuff, and could easily get by with the lower package, as we don't actually watch TV that much anyway, as we tend to watch series of things on our computers! Saving circa £180 a year
• We started a joint bank account (scary!) with Santander and transferred all our household direct debits to this, as you get 1, 2 or 3% cash-back on various bills, from Internet council tax/mobile phones. I've not actually worked out how much we will get extra from this, but it is a free account so its all a plus, probably circa £200 a year for free!
• We checked to see if our electricity/gas/water was the cheapest we could get it, by using the meerkat website, and it turned out it WAS the cheapest already, but worth checking! Also make sure you submit meter readings every month so you get billed for actuals and not estimates!
• We will move. Our Brighton house is not tenable with just Sams salary and my maternity (at the moment we live with a lovely house-mate but she won't stick around with a screaming baby in the house and I don't blame her!) We've not set a date yet but we will probably move out of Brighton (needs must, alas!)
• Instead of going on an 'abroad' holiday pre baby we're going to go on a holiday with friends in Cornwall, which will save us money. (Saving probably around £600)
• I had already stopped buying excessive make-up clothes/handbags/toiletries and shoes in the run up to the wedding and this has continued, and instead I am using every last drop of every shampoo/moisturiser/foundation bottle and only buying new things when they are on sale/offer, or with foreign labels from Poundland (I love poundland) (Saving around £100 a month if I'm honest!)

So that's about it for now, I'll obviously let you know how we get on, and of any new ideas that might save a few pennies here and there! And if anyone else has any tips please do share them in the comments!

Hello!

So, what's the point of this blog?

I recently had a baby boy and have been discovering the highs and lows of motherhood- believe me, there are a lot of both. But people I spoke to, during my pregnancy and recently, tend not to mention that stuff. The ideas presented about motherhood are pretty... vague. Or relentlessly unrealistic. How many 'mommy blogs' (shudder) are there that present a totally unrealistic view of motherhood? That nothing- at all- is negative about being a mum.

The internet lies.

I found myself writing about my pregnancy periodically on my main blog (you can read the posts here) and trying to share what I learnt. Often, I couldn't find the information I needed, or found that my experience was very different from the 'hearts and flowers' view I was presented in magazines and blogs. Although I enjoyed my pregnancy generally, it was very easy to feel confused by the information out there. Ditto now that the baby has arrived.

The point of this blog, then, is to document everything about being a mum in a realistic, accessible and, hopefully, fairly witty way. I can but dream! We're not saying that we're the definitive resource; we're not even saying we're an actual resource. Of course we're not. We're just two women in our twenties who have been,  or are going through something absolutely amazing, maddening and life-changing and we wanted to document our experiences. And maybe it can help someone else. Or just amuse them. Who knows?

So, thanks for reading- and get in touch if you have any queries/comments/suggestions!